I grew up in an environment that allowed the most unworthy, to become our most sung heroes. Criminals that climb totem poles, as if it was a corporation. It’s difficult to know where it begins and ends. What’s real and whats facade.
I remember my mother saying, I would die in those streets as a young kid. So living, became a great challange. I remember thinking and feeling that I wasn’t worth much. So like so many before and after me, i became a part of those streets that trap and kill us black men.
After a while, death, prison and betrayal seem like a natual aspect of life. Even more, low standards corrupt our character and passion. So we become involved in whatever those streets offer.
So many people I really care about are killing each other. Innocent kids are becoming monsters. I remember dreaming of playing in the N.B.A. But before I knew it, I was preparing to be the greatest drug dealer of all time. How crazy was that?
I know there are a lot of movies, books, magazines, and CD’s that glorify this thug life. I really enjoy the subject matter. But truth is, this is not a movie for me. Ths is my real life. Where everybody has an opinion about me. And where decisions that I made as an adolescent continue to affect my adult life.
From the outside, it may look glamorous to some. But it’s a cruel, lonely life, that offers no satisfaction. What people don’t see is the pain of loss. The decades of incarceration, and the loss of ones soul.
I know Scarface was a movie, as well as New Jack City. But Al Capone and Felix Mitchell were real. The Washington’s, a legendary family where I come from were real. Secretly we miight admire them. But, they all have a common denominator. They all died early.
I don’t know about you, but I want to live. I’d rather be a father and a husband and enjoy my simple life. “The greatest drug dealer of all time!” How stupid was I? Dreaming to be a loser…..
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